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Writer's pictureErik H. Larson

Giving Thanks South of the Border! (name of your sex tape)

Updated: Jul 26, 2019

In the midst of a massive production by which Heather and I were both consumed, Thanksgiving reared its holiday head. It was going to be the first time we had a non-working weekend since taking on the project, so we mixed up a recipe for a getaway: Take one small batch of extra days off for the holiday, add one round trip to Cabo San Lucas and you got yourself a legit vacation!! They celebrate Thanksgiving in Mexico, right? Anyone...? I should have thought this through. Oh dear.


We spent hours looking over adults only, all inclusive resorts in Cabo, and after much deliberation we settled on Marquis Los Cabos Resort & Spa. It's located a little further away from the city than we anticipated, but we did serious homework on these places and didn't really plan on ever leaving the resort...if ya know what I mean. Wait, you don't think I mean...ah fuck it.



Flying into Mexico feels like going back in time, for some reason. Not like there's anything you can see from a plane that would distinguish Mexico from any south-western U.S. state, but it felt like I was making a trip that thousands of others had before me, all eager and excited, filled with anticipation to see what a new country with a few loose rules and the heart of a party animal had in store for us. That may be a bit silly, but for some reason that's kinda how I felt. I may have had some Jack Daniels on the plane too.



This marked the first trip with my first passport (I know...I know...), so it was additionally exciting for me to get out of the country, see and absorb a foreign location and do it all with my spectacular partner in crime.


We landed in, you guessed it, Los Cabos, and darted through the airport, dodging the 100,000 taxi services and excursion salesmen to get to our shuttle pickup location.

We hopped in an awesome Toyota van I'd never seen before (a model not sold in the U.S.) with about 6 other people, and jumped on the "one way in, one way out" highway by the airport, which seems to be located on the only flat spot they could find on the peninsula, in the middle of nowhere.


Looking SSE from the Los Cabos peninsula.

The First Impression:


This is the view you get as soon as you step off the airport shuttle at Marquis Los Cabos.


"I mean...damn." - Me, I'm pretty sure

The lobby is a completely open space (read: arch) with a hotel desk to the left and a concierge to the right. The whole thing is basically a breezeway, but feels more like a portal to and from your vacation. There wasn't one other resort we researched that had the "wow" factor like this place did. Plus, no kids and all inclusive, remember? Sweet.



We hit up the front desk, handled our business, and just before we headed to the room I stopped to get a pic of this radical yet classical sculpture. The winged angel seemed to be a theme at the resort, I didn't bother to find out why though. Anywho, I took the shot and didn't look at the photo until much later. I was pretty surprised to see I had caught an actual winged creature in the photo as well.

"Cool story, bro." - You, probably


Travel Tip! If you're going to stay at a destination/resort like this, always tell them it's for your birthday, or anniversary or something along those lines. Chances are there will be an extra treat of some kind in your room when you arrive. Places like this always have 'extra treats', but they will at least make it seem extra special. It honestly was right after our anniversary, so we weren't technically fibbing, but we pretended like we were getting away with murder, so that's fun. We also noticed our room was located on the top floor, dead-center of the resort, in a row of rooms with birthday, anniversary and honeymoon signs on the doors. Just sayin', it can't hurt to work the system for a little upgrade or two.


A bottle of red wine (which was lovely and all, but I don't come to the beach in Mexico to drink red wine) and some chocolate dipped strawberries (now we're talkin') were waiting for us in the room. The room was spacious but had a bit of an echo (more on that later) from all the tile work and open layout (you can see the rooms on Marquis' site, link at the bottom).

*(Honorable mention for the attendant who gave us the complete resort lowdown, Alain)


Then there was the view...



"Holy shit." - Anyone, after opening the balcony doors

The view is striking. I've been to Hawaii, I've seen a million vacation shows, but nothing really hits you like when you're actually standing there, staring at an endless blue ocean and a pristine beach, warm wind wafting across your face. I probably got teary-eyed and told Heather it was some sand that had somehow blown up from the beach below.


I read a review before we went that mentioned something about the hotel feeling like it was at about 30% capacity. I would guess it to have been around 50-60% capacity while we were there. Honestly though, any additional people would have made it feel crowded and busy, and that's not fun at all.


Common Sense Travel Tip: If you're going to a well-known vacation spot, always aim for the off-season!



The Pool:


Once you get your suit on and head to the pool area, that resort vibe really starts kicking in. The infinity pool that arcs across the beach helps too. This was probably the first photo I took once I left the room.


This is where we spent most of our time. Every morning, after room service breakfast of course (the French toast is the best!), until the late afternoon. Dozens of lounge chairs and umbrellas line the pool's edge, but the shot above was from what we decided was the best location at the resort.


I present to the members of the jury, as evidence of a spectacular pool spot:


"Sunset Meets Moonrise in Mexico"



Here is where I can elaborate on one of only two huge disappointments at Marquis Los Cabos. This beachfront infinity pool, that every single guest wanted to hang out at, WAS NOT HEATED. It was November, the weather was still warm, but the pool was almost ice cold. I managed to enjoy a bit of time in it (cuz Viking blood) but Heather and the majority of the other guests were completely turned off by a spectacular pool that was not comfortable or "fun" to swim in. It honestly felt like it got colder as the day went on too, which could only mean they were cycling cold water into it for some reason. Brrrrrrrrr.


Every vacationer was hoping to get a good spot at the pool, climb in, dangle their arms over the infinity edge and stare at the beach... maybe even sit on one of the stone stools inside of the pool (super rad, btw)...but only a handful of people had the strength to withstand the polar plunge that should have been the haven for all visitors.


HEAT THE DAMN POOL, PLEASE! If nothing else comes of this entire website (as expected), the pool being heated at Marquis would make me genuinely happy.


There was another pool that was a glorious temperature, further away from the beach in the center of the resort. However, it was also at eye level with a bunch of people eating in a cafe that wasn't so much overlooking the pool as it was "all there is in your direct line of sight is pool and people you don't know swimming, ya know, with painful swim clothes on". In other words, that was not the "preferred" pool to swim in. But we did hop in it once or twice just to make the strictly scientific comparison between the two pool temperatures.



Again, don't get me wrong, I had a great time in the pool, swam in it every day and spent the bulk of the trip sitting directly in front of it. The shitty part was that I was usually the only one in the pool (aside from a few terrible girls with Instagram boyfriends), which made me feel like the youngest teenager at a family reunion who's having fun with a child's toy and everyone else is just looking at me like I'm sooooo immature, even though they all secretly wish they could be confident enough to enjoy themselves freely, without judgement. Maybe that's too deep. Yeah, probably.



The absolute best part of any resort stay like this is ordering brunch, lunch or whatever you want, and having it delivered directly to your poolside lounge chair. Noice.

(Also, no swim-up bar here. Would have been rad, but it's not a deal-breaker.)


The Food:


These are the "fish tacos" I think. There was some other chicken dish I ordered once but I'm pretty sure it was the fish tacos that were bomb and hit the spot every single day.

*(Honorable mention for hard working attendants Ricardo, Enrique, Diego, Felipe and Alan)


My drinking strategy was to knock back at least one cup of (killer, delivered to your room) coffee each morning, pound a good amount of water before we even left the room and start the day at the pool with some water and light beer. Then after an hour or two I would order a margarita, take a few sips and pour the rest of a beer over the top of that. This became my favorite thing of all time (at the time). After three days of ordering "one beer and one margarita" the server looked at me and said, "you know we can just bring you a mixed one like that, we call it..." and then he said "iceberg" or "snowstorm" or something like that, I don't remember. The point is he had a satisfying moment where he made me feel like an idiot, but to be honest I liked having a beer and a marg and mixing them on my own terms. MY OWN TERMS. Sorry, I get sensitive sometimes.



There were a number of choices on the menu at the pool (we only tried a few things and stuck with our favorites), including this dy-no-mite chocolate mousse/cake thing with...blue sauce(?) that may have been some sort of berry jelly. Whatever it was, it was gewd AF!


I'm sure you're still wondering, "did they serve Thanksgiving dinner?" You bet your ass they did!


Well, it wasn't what Yankees think of as Thanksgiving dinner, but they did set up a bunch of nice tables and a huge buffet near the beach and even brought in some live music (a coed duet singing popular U.S. hits). The stuffing they made was a unique blend of what I think was ground beef, vegetables and small chunks of bread, but my limited Spanish stood in the way of me figuring out what we were really eating. Be that as it may, I was just stoked to be a part of any sort of celebration over the holiday weekend, even if I didn't get any turkey...or Thanksgiving leftover sandwiches, which are the best kind of sandwiches. I got over it, don't worry.



After a full day by the pool we'd retreat to the room for showers and naps. It was the greatest thing ever. We'd wake up refreshed and ready to make the most of the evening and our all inclusive stay.


"NO MOLESTAR"? They obviously don't know me very well.

The dinner selection was a mixed bag, and unfortunately there was no clear schedule as to which restaurant would be open each night and when (this is something Marquis should address). You would come out of your room, jazzed up and ready to head to a particular spot and it would be closed for some reason, so you'd have to try a different place. Not the worst situation, but something worth noting.


There was a local themed restaurant, a very small and reservation only French bitro, an Italian restaurant with a brick pizza oven and a Benihana-style Asian grill with a sushi bar. On Thanksgiving and one other night when they had a beach bonfire/barbecue, I think all but one of the restaurants were closed, understandably.


The French bi$tro was the only spot not included in the all inclusive deal, so we didn't make it to that one, and I don't think anyone did while we were there. The Italian "restaurant" (which was really just a glorified, open air structure next to the pools) made surprisingly delicious pizza and offered a few pasta dishes as well. This was the only time I drank wine, from what I remember. It seemed fitting with the pizza and pasta and you know how inviting a cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc is on a warm night. Amiright?


Italian restaurant prepping for dinner.

The local (i.e. Mexican) eatery served pretty much the exact same steak, chicken, veggies, chips and assorted flair that made up 90% of the food at the buffets, barbecues and on the poolside menu, buuuuuut it was presented on a nicer plate, with a more professional garnish. We were one of maybe four couples eating there that evening, which afforded us what was basically a private table for two on the far end of the balcony, overlooking the ocean. Of course I didn't have time to notice all of that, I was staring into Heather's eyes the entire time (*wink).


My lack of Spanish fluency made the dining experience a bit more challenging, considering our server didn't appear to speak English (I heard him speaking English a day later) but I was in his country and I accepted the challenge with open arms, eventually getting everything our hearts desired...that was on the menu.


We made it to the Benihana-style grill as well. We had our sights set on the Italian place but it was closed, so we walked into the Asian spot and tried to get a seat at the sushi bar, since the grill seats were reservation only and we hadn't made reservations. I guess another couple had made reservations, but hadn't shown up and the rest of the people seated at their table were having to wait until the empty seats were filled. So the host rushed us to the waiting chairs and a relieved group of hungry guests, which quickly turned into a group having a blast while savoring filet mignon dinners with fried rice, veggies and all the fixins.



The cheesecake-esque desert with caramel drizzled all over it was a welcome surprise as well. The spoon on top was made of something like waffle cone batter...I honestly don't remember. But being able to eat your utensil after you've eaten your food is some Willy Wonka level shit.


For some reason it's fun to drink beer from these small, stylish glasses.

The Bar:


Each night after dinner, we'd make our way up the zigzagging staircase to the heart of the entire resort, the bar! Dubbed "Suspiro Bar", it was the only thing open after about 10pm. Surprisingly, at an all inclusive, adults only resort...the bar was DEAD almost every night. Heather and I saddled right up while the few other patrons seemed to stick to the outlying tables.


Needless to say, we made friends with the bartenders real quick. I would usually start with a few of these small beers and a shot, and by the end of the night we were pouring 1942 like it was a rich kid's Vegas bachelor party.

*(Honorable mention for kick-ass Suspiro bartenders Enrique and Alan, or was it Ricardo... these guys worked all over the place haha)



After the party...is the after party. Well, not exactly. Once you're done with the bar, much like when you're not on vacation, the night's over.


The Beach:


The beach, like I said before, was pristine, with a tide that created these fascinating formations along the beach, like bumps along a dragon's spine. Thing about the beach is, ya can't swim in the water. I mean, ya can, it's gorgeous, but you're advised not to because of a riptide that is extremely dangerous. Not surprisingly, the ocean was WARMER THAN THE POOL!



The resort also locks their beach entrance gates at night (totally understandable), so you can't go out on the beach after 9 or 10pm. At one point we were standing all alone, in the moonlight on this magnificent beach...and a guy yells from above, "HEY! GET BACK HERE, WE GOTTA LOCK UP!" Really added to that touching moment we were having.


Had the beach to ourselves, then right as I whipped out the camera to catch the fireworks this damn couple showed up in front of us. Jerks.

There were fireworks on the beach a couple different nights. It seemed as though each resort had a designated night to shoot them off because you could see each event from every spot along the beach. Teamwork makes the dream work.


The Room:


No, not the terrible movie.


The room was a typical hotel room. Big bed, small couch, small desk. The view obviously won the day, but there's more about the room you should know.


There is a cubby next to the door where they will leave a pot of coffee and some pastries every morning if you want. It's awesome to have and helps get you moving in the morning. If you ever go here, get it. Since returning from the trip, I've realized all I ever wanted out of life was a coffee/pastry cubby. Why did it take so long to find it? But I digress...


The mini fridge is filled with water, beer, candy and a few other midnight cravings. If you eat or drink something out of the fridge, they replace it the next morning. All inclusive. Dope. Did I mention there's 24hr room service? That's included too. Extra dope.


There is a jacuzzi style tub that separates the bathroom from the bedroom, but it's an open concept, as I alluded to earlier, so while you're at the bathroom sink there is basically nothing separating you from the rest of the room.


This brings me to the bathroom itself. It's all (marble?) tile, so it's nice and cool on your feet when it's warm out, but freezing on your feet late at night. There may have been some sort of switch on the wall to heat up the floor, but I don't remember. I doubt it.


The shower is large and had a great shower head in it. There's a little tile bench built in, but I'm always leery of those things in hotel showers. The shower also made a dripping or tapping sound in the middle of the night, even though there was no actual water dripping from our shower. Lame.


Half the shower is tiled while the other half is giant frosted glass pains. Here is where their designers made a catastrophic mistake and we encounter my second major disappointment at the resort.


The shower shares a frosted glass wall with the "toilet room". The toilet room is a spacious marble-lined area, so it's got that echoey, resonance thing going for it already. Add to that the solid glass wall and...wait for it...a solid glass door that is frosted with some sort of design so there are a ton of spots where you can see right through it. On top of that, because it's a huge piece of glass, it's on a swinging hinge that is mounted with probably 2 inches of gap on 3 sides of the door...that can also easily be seen through not to mention you can hear every echoing, billowing sound made while someone is handling their business. Not cool bro.


Let's put this all together. You have a Mexican resort, providing people with (as to be expected) a touch of Montezuma's famous revenge, which sends them to a bathroom that amplifies noise, lets air freely waft out and can be seen directly into. *slow clap


"It's a bathroom that could end a marriage." - Me

Shit. I just realized we're in matching outfits. Ugh!

The Breakdown:


This resort is fantastic! I would absolutely go to Marquis Los Cabos again. I would want to check out other places first, but I'd certainly recommend it to anyone...without kids.


Plenty of good food and a terrific help/wait/bar staff that is working hard to keep you happy. They just need to publish some sort of schedule for the restaurants that is easy to understand. That would be a huge help.


HEAT THE POOLS! I just don't understand why they would have an ice bath drawn and expect us to embrace it with open arms. Comfort is key.


Speaking of comfort...the toilet issue has got'ta be addressed. I shit you not (pun intended), some sweet couple will find themselves disgusted with one another all due to the "sharing is not caring" exposed echo chamber that is the toilet.

If swimming in the ocean at your Mexican retreat is a must-have, this may not be your spot. Again, the water is sooooooo nice and the beach is clean, but you aren't supposed to swim in it cuz danger. There are a ton of excursions available though, so I'm sure you'll work it out.


One other thing I forgot to mention before was the massive waterfall/fountain that is in the center of the resort. It wasn't working when we were there so it just looked like a couple stagnant pools nobody can swim in. When it's running (like on their website) it looks gorgeous and probably creates a nice ambient sound that drowns out some of the noise (would have been nice). But we didn't get to see or hear it. Womp, womp.


Final thought: Even though it's all inclusive, and the wait staff is supposed to take care of you, make sure you take care of the wait staff. They are busting their ass to keep their jobs and even a couple bucks a day as a thank you for keeping your plate and glass full is a huge deal to them. Believe me, at some point a staffer will go out of their way to make sure you have exactly what you need because you treated them like a person and not 'the help'.


If there are any additional details you're curious about, hit me up.


 

More Travel & Adventures:

eriklarsonadventures.com/where-to


Wine & Beer Reviews, etc:

eriklarsonadventures.com/wine-beer


Food & Recipes:

eriklarsonadventures.com/grub


Marquis Los Cabos:

marquisloscabos.com


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